The Monster combines story craft teaching with a thorough review of your manuscript, like a workshop on story craft with your novel as the text book

Maybe you’ve had feedback from beta readers and now you want an objective, professional take on your manuscript. Or perhaps no other human has ever laid eyes on your story and you’re finally ready to share it with somebody (eek!). A Monster manuscript critique is a great way to get honest feedback and discover how to strengthen your story. This service is for new or emerging authors who want a professional assessment of their children’s or YA novel and are ready to put in some hard (but rewarding) work to make the next draft the best it can be. You’ll get honest, professional feedback in the form of an editorial letter full of advice (a love letter to your book) from somebody who’s seeing your story for the first time. And, if you opt for a developmental edit bolt-on, you’ll also find specific suggestions and comments throughout your manuscript in the margins, really digging into your work and guiding you through the edit from page to page.

When you feel like you’ve taken your story as far as you can and you’re ready for somebody to poke it and prod it and point you in new directions, a developmental edit can help you on your way towards a fantastic book that’s ready for readers.

Don’t be scared off by the word ‘critique’ – I’m not some meanie here to rip your work apart or a wicked stepmother cracking the whip. I’ll help make sure you absolutely love your book and get it ready for young readers who’ll love it just as much. I’m your trainer in the boxing ring whispering tips between bouts. I’m always on your side and a manuscript critique is my love letter to your book and the book it could become.

What exactly is The Monster?

There are four things included with a full manuscript critique:

    1. Editorial letter in PDF between 30 and 40 A4 pages full of bird’s eye feedback, recommendations and advice. I might tell you I find a character’s actions unrealistic and lacking motivation, or that your first chapter would work better later in the story. I’ll be covering story issues like structure, characterisation, pacing, dialogue, theme, world building, point of view, conflict and tension, consistency, suitability for audience, genre expectations and sensitivity concerns. Maybe some scenes feel flat because they lack tension, or the dialogue isn’t as natural or authentic as it could be. The point of a manuscript assessment is to discover what’s working, what isn’t and how to fix it so you can produce the best story you can and get it ready for your readers.
    2. A book map worksheet this is an Excel spreadsheet where you can outline your story down scene by scene, tracking plot points, character development, timeline and theme. It’s a great way to see your entire story on the page at once and can reveal problems you might not spot otherwise, like plot holes, inconsistencies, forgotten narrative arcs and superfluous characters. I’ll track the first chapter of your novel in this worksheet to start you off, and then give you a guide to populating the rest yourself.
    3. Quick-start guide outlining the three biggest areas to tackle first if you want to get started straight away
    4. Worksheets to help you nail character development, goals, conflict and world building. I’ll feed back on your completed worksheets afterwards if you want to share them
    5. My ‘Spoonful of Sugar’ next steps kit with a work plan and tips on processing my feedback and approaching the next stage of revisions.
    6. Personalised reading list of novels and writing craft resources I think you’d find useful based on your manuscript. I have a big library of middle grade and YA fiction as well as hundreds of books about the art of storytelling, so I’ll pull out everything I think might help you tackle the issues or areas for improvement I identify.
    7. Feedback on 10,000 words once you’ve had a chance to rework your manuscript
    8. An invitation to join a private Facebook group for middle grade and YA genre authors. Great for networking and getting tips or critiques from other writers.

Want to add a developmental edit?

You can add developmental comments as a bolt-on extra when booking The Monster. You’ll receive up to 400 comments in your manuscript via Microsoft Word’s Tracked Changes. These notes will be close-up observations and suggestions that relate to big-picture storytelling. That means you’ll see loads of specific instances of problems or areas for improvement right there on the page, within your scenes, with ideas on how you can tackle them. For example, if I think your story lacks world building or a strong sense of place, I’ll point out lines in your manuscript where you could add some lush description or anchoring details. If you’re struggling with maintaining a consistent character POV, I can point out specific moments throughout the story where POV slips or you venture into head-hopping and give suggestions on how to remedy it.

What it’s not

The Monster isn’t an ‘edit’ in the sense of a copy-edit that physically tweaks your prose or fixes your typos. I won’t change or delete anything in your story, or make comments or suggestions in the margin. In fact, I won’t touch your manuscript document (other than reading it). I will write an editorial letter with all my feedback for you to read through and digest, and what you do with it is up to you! I’ll only address the story elements of your novel, not line-level or copyediting issues like language, spelling, syntax or grammar. These can be addressed by a line or copy-editor and I absolutely recommend you hire one further down the line to get your manuscript ready for publication.

My critiquing process

    1. First read through: I’ll read your manuscript through once without stopping to make notes. Sometimes things jump out at me that I don’t want to forget so I’ll occasionally highlight paragraphs or leave myself reminders but mostly I’m just immersing myself in the story and responding as your readers would.
    2. Plotting and scheming: This is the time I spend thinking about your story and letting it sit before starting my critique. I’ll write up some rough notes about my immediate reactions to your manuscript, like a letter to myself that helps me untangle all my thoughts and ideas and start putting my reader response into words.
    3. Read your questionnaire: At the beginning of the process I’ll send you an author questionnaire that asks you about your story, your experience and your publishing goals. I don’t read this straight away as I don’t want it to influence my initial response to your manuscript when I come to it for the first time, but I’ll read it as soon as I’ve finished reading.
    4. Update my checklist: I have a critique checklist that I customise for every manuscript I work on, and I’ll take any specific concerns from your questionnaire and drop them in. For example, if you mention you’re not sure your protagonist is likeable enough or that you struggle with your chapter endings, I’ll flag these in my checklist to ensure I address them thoroughly in my critique.
    5. Research and background reading: I like to immerse myself in the books you love so I can understand your influences and goals, so when I send you my author questionnaire I’ll ask for your favourite authors and novels in your genre. When I discuss any issues of writing craft in your editorial letter, I can pull out examples from books you love to demonstrate a technique or narrative device so it’ll click for you faster.
    6. Second read through: I’ll read your manuscript again but this time I’ve got my ‘editor’ hat on, not my ‘reader’ hat. As I read, I’ll start drafting my editorial letter, pulling out passages to discuss and adding elements to my checklist to ensure I cover everything. I’ll also be building your book map as I read.
    7. Write your critique: Next I’ll turn all my jumbled notes and ideas into a long, detailed editorial letter, going through each element of story craft (like character, plot, conflict and world building) one by one. I’ll tell you what I loved (and why I loved it) and what I think needs more work, demonstrating techniques and explaining exactly how you can tackle any problem areas.
    8. Write your Spoonful of Sugar guide: I’ll lay out a proposed plan of action, helping you tackle your revisions in a manageable, sensible order while staying positive and optimistic.
    9. Write your recommended reading list: Last but not least, I’ll read over your critique and choose novels, craft books and articles that I think will help you tackle some of the issues I’ve flagged.

Let’s get started!

I can’t tell you how excited I am to read your manuscript. So, if you have middle grade or YA story you’d like to chat about, please give me a shout – it’ll make my day!

The Monster at a glance
Who is The Monster for?

The Monster full manuscript critique is for authors who have finished writing their story and done some self-editing and are now ready to get professional feedback and advice. I work on middle grade and YA fiction in any genre.

How much does it cost?

Pricing is based on your manuscript’s word count:

  • Up to 40,000 words = £699
  • 40,001 to 70,000 = £799
  • 70,001 to 100,00 = £899

If your manuscript is over 100,000 words, please get in touch for a quote.

Bolt-on: Developmental Edit

You can add developmental comments to The Monster as a bolt-on extra!

Up to 40,000 words = +£300
40,001-70,000 = +£450
70,001-100,000 = +£675

As well as everything that comes with The Monster manuscript critique, you’ll receive anywhere up to 400 notes in your manuscript full of close-up observations and suggestions that relate to the big-picture storytelling elements I discuss in your editorial letter.

Bolt-on: Follow-up Report


  • I’ll read your full revised manuscript if you send it to me within a year of your initial edit
  • An editorial letter around 5 A4 pages in Word giving an overview of how successfully you’ve tackled my suggestions and feedback
What does the report look like?

The exact content will vary from project to project but expect your table of contents to look something like this:

And here’s what margin comments might look like if you book a developmental edit bolt-on:

How it works 
    1. You get in touch to tell me about your book and send a sample
    2. We chat over email and if we decide we’re right for each other, I confirm cost and timings (I usually deliver a critique within eight weeks of the start date)
    3. I send you an invoice for 10% of the fee to hold your booking
    4. You send me your manuscript and I get going!
    5. I email you a weekly progress report (The Friday Howl) so you know everything’s swell
    6. I’ll send you an invoice for the remaining fee
    7. Finally, I email you your critique and worksheets
    8. We talk via email about any questions you have or clarifications you need
    9. I’ll read a revised 10,000 words within the first year